Nick Versus Tom Cruise

This idea received the most votes in a contest of four potential ideas.

So this is how it would happen.

Tom Criuse is into to Scientology and as a result, the fact that he is all sorts of crazy is now evident to all. For some resason, it is against his religion to take medication for any type of ailment (probably vitamins and suppliments too, I haven't really checked my facts on this one).

I take a multivitamin and certain pain meds. Because when you look this good, it hurts. Now, I know what you are thinking...and yes. I do kinda like some pain. But not all the time. And it is best when that pain is accompanied by a satifying sense of superiority after besting an opponent in a fight.

But less about my issues and more about Tom's.

He would be all mad at me for being a hero to countless misguided teens while taking a form of medication. And like he always does, Tom Cruise would make his opinions public. Tom would say how what I was doing was wrong, and that I should apologize, blah blah blah.

Well I would go to Tom's house and personally invite him to fight me. Tom of course, would refuse...until I bash Top Gun. Tom doesn't mind so much if you call him crazy, or insult him and his family, but if you insult his work...you got another thing coming.

Tom Cruise and I would meet at a beach to fight. We would face off in the sand. The ocean on one side, a dark alleyway on the other.

Tom Cruise thinks he can beat me in a fight. Tom Cruise is attempting the impossble. Mission: Impossible.

Mission:Impossible 4 "This time, Ethan Hawke loses the fight...and the girl."

The fight starts when we ride our motorcycles at each other. Our hands grip the handles bars tight as we reach speed of 100+ mph. This is when we meet. Tom and I leap from our motorcycles. We speed through the air at eachother head first. Tom tries to Karate Chop me. I realize that in speeds at 100+mph swinging won't do any good. It's too hard to time. I put my head down straighten my body.

POW

Nick and Tom Cruise collide head to head. Then fall to the beach. Normal individuals would have died instantly. I stand up and brush the sand off my shoulders. Tom stand up and shakes his head and spits out blood. He's a littles dazed. I let him regain his composure. He looks at me and spits on the ground. I snarl. Then spit at his chest. The force of projectile saliva knocks him over. He gets up, really angry. He rips his damaged shirt off. Mine is already off (hey, it's the beach).

Tom Cruise draws out a samuri sword.

Great. He's a trained actor. He knows sword play.

Nick draws The Renegade out of his sheath.

Tom and I run at each other.

He swings at me.

I dodge.

I swing at him.

He parries.

He swings. I parry. But I have the better weapon. As his blade and the Renegade meet, Renegade strikes. He bites down on Tom Cruise' sword blade. Seizing the opportunity, I Kick Tom down and toss the weapons into the surf.

Tom gets up. We start punching at each other. Every single punch and swing misses. We are both used to fighting much taller people. I guess that's what happens when two shorter action stars fight. I resort to a kick in his chest. Once again he in the sand. And once again he is spitting out blood.

Tom has had enough. Calling on the evil Powers of Scientology, he usses his witchcraft and shoots magic at me. It takes all my skill just to dodge it.

Zap
Zap
Zap

Tom keeps shooting Scientology magic at me. I keep ninja rolling out of the way. I get up and spint to the alley. With bolts of dangerous magic narrowly missing me, I dive into the alley which is littered with junk. I smash into an old filing cabinet. The twisted metal heap slices through my side.

That's it. He made me bleed. He went and did something awful stupid.

I wait.

Tom flies over the alley with his witchcraft. He looks over the alley. Nothing.

ssssSSSSS POW

My throw was good. A garbage can lid hits Tom in the face. It distracts him long enough for me to sprint out of the alley and dive into the ocean. Tom flies over the ocean. He cant see me.

I wait.

Tom cant wait. He uses his witchcraft to boil the water. He does not know it, but he has sealed his fate with this action. The boiling water kills most marine life. I grab a dead shark. It's 16ft. long. With one powerful leap, I fly out of the ocean shark in hand. Tom doesn't have time to move. With a swing more powerful than all of the MLB combined, I wail on Tom Cruise with the Shark. His uncouncious body sails throw the air. I land on the beach, watching Tom hurl through the air.

The next day Tom wakes up. He feels great. I had the doctors give him pain killers. Upon seeing the use for medicine, he gives up on scientology and goes on a campaign to promote modern medicine. Because of this extra effort, a cure is found for MS, Alzheimer's, and Parkinson's. Two great things happen. Michael J. Fox's new reality show is pulled cause he wants to live it up again, not shoot a reality show. And Steven Hawkins can now use hand motions, drawings, and inflection in his speech to explain his work on black holes, thus making it incredibly understandible for most. The downside is that he too wants to live it up, and does no more groundbreaking theorizing. Oh, well.

And that is how it would happen.