Nick Versus The Geico Cavemen

So this is how it would happen.

I'm at a party and the Geico Cavemen are there. Now, I know they are cavemen and pretty much the last of their kind....but come on. They never quit complaining about they get discriminated on, or about how lonley it is being different. Let it go. The cavemen will never get friends if they are always so negative.

So one of them, Ron the Caveman, is sulking in the corner. The other two, Bill the Caveman and Ted the Caveman, are on the balconey having one of those "life is so hard" moments.

Now I like to dance. And when the song "T-U-R-T-L-E Power" by Partners in Krhyme comes on, I just HAVE to ninja dance.

The song comes on. I start ninja dancing.

Ron the Caveman is looking all depressed and desides to join his fellow party poopers on the balconey. With his head down, he starts shuffling over. Ron doesn't see me dancing, even though everyone is in a circle around me.

Ron walks to the center of the circle and realises all too late he has stepped right into a ninja dance move. Which also happened to be a spinning round house at head height.

"Swack!"

The kick catches Ron in the left temple.

I stop dancing to appologize.
"Sorry man. I didn't see you there. I thought I had more room."
Ron snaps back "GRrRRawwaw"

He has been knocked back to stone age intelligence.

With a roar, Ron swings a big paw at me. He gets lucky. I wasn't really ready. I get knocked to the ground.

I stand up, Angry as can be.

"Turn the mosic up!"
Renegade quickly turns up the music. Bill and Ted rush in. Upon hearing the neanderthalian grunts, they too reverted to much more primitive states of mind. I start ninja dancing, but I'm actually just fighting to the music.
The cavemen are strong, but not that strong. No three beings can defeat me (except the Trinity).
I grab the Renegade like a bowstaff. I jam his head into the mouth of Bill and his feet into the mouth of Ted. I start spinning them over my head, like two big rag dolls on either end of a broomstick.
I throw the two cavemen down and grab them by there feet. With Bill in one hand and Ted in the other, I go after Ron. I start beating Ron with his own friends, first Bill, then Ted.
Bill
Ted
Bill
Ted
Bill
Ted

With each swing, two gutteral grunts escape the cavemen's mouths.

I throw the whole group out onto the balconey. I look at them. I'm still angry. I'm still breathing heavily.
They look back from their huddled group. They are scared. Ted pees himself. Bill outdoes him.

I realize they are reacting on instinct. They don't really want to mess with me. Who in their right mind would?

I start to reason with them.

"I know no one likes you guys. I know you dont even like yourselves. But I can help. I know how you guys can be happy. I know a God who loves you."

The cavemen start crying. You see they dont believe in God. How could they? They are a fictional species, made by Darwin. They dont even have a fossil record.

Realizing their predicament. They are overcome with their feelings of "my life sucks" and jump over the balconey, falling twenty stories to their deaths.

I sigh. What a relief. Now more stupid cavemen commercials.

Using Renegade as a bungie, I repell off the balconey to the ground. Nice. They left their motorcycles outside. The Rengade and I take off on some hot new bikes.

No more cavemen commercials, no more whining from whymsical creatures, more Geico Gecko.
The world is a better place.

And that is how it would happen.